Re:World View, Self View

Thanks to Ian for contributing such an interesting article and we are looking forward to feed-back!

Worldview, self view and automatic thoughts

One model of therapy I found helpful vis CS conditioning describes three areas of thinking. One’s worldview’ which informs our basic underlying assumptions about what our environment is like, how it operates, how safe or dangerous; just or unjust is it. This worldview is predominantly unconscious, it’s not something we think about much, it just is, and it evolves and changes on its own unless we make a conscious effort to reshape it.

In my experience, Christian Science has left me with a fundamentally toxic worldview. Nothing is safe, fair or predictable. There are no meaningful value judgements in Christian Science or any anchor point of self; nothing tangible, in the end, actually exists for Mary Baker Eddy. Tumours can appear and vanish again in ourselves and our loved ones, depending on the clear-sightedness or corruption of our divine understanding.

Social systems and relationships are rendered meaningless and unfulfilling as there are no individuals to enact them. The quintessence of this philosophy is a nihilistic solipsism. What is the point of struggling to see God when the only person that will benefit is me?

Our self view is more tangible and immediate and shapes how we operate in our environment and what our reactions are to a stimulus, “I can’t do that… I don’t deserve the other” kinds of thinking.

My CS selfview is enduringly negative. Funded by a series of failed healings of myself and others, failure to “see abundance, joy, and health” in a family that was enduringly poor, miserable, and ailing”.

In the end I think this led to a perpetual feeling of helpless doom laden anxiety. Told time and time again that the solution to all these problems lay in my own thinking; all I eventually heard was that the cause of all these problems lay in my own thinking; thinking that I was obviously powerless to correct.

Of course the summation of all this is the big God carrot; the problem for me is that largely thanks to Christian Science I could barely even say the word ‘God’ without feeling angry, mutinous and resentful, which in hindsight is how I felt as a CSist, but felt too guilty to every acknowledge.

Our automatic thoughts are involuntary thoughts that pop into our heads and are primarily conscious manifestations of world and self views. As the saying goes, garbage in and garbage out. If you have a poor self view and a poor worldview, your mind probably isn’t going to produce a lot of pleasant automatic thoughts.

The interesting thing to me is that they all condition one another. For example someone slights you in some way that is unfair, and your self view of inadequacy and poor self worth confirms an interpretation of that situation.

Your mind needs to make an assessment of the overall situation, looks at your disastarous worldview, correlates that with your horrendous self-view, and quite properly hits the panic button. You are an incapable, probably unlikeable individual, trapped in an undefeatably hostile and unpredictable environment. Run away!

Automatic thoughts (negative ones) flood into your head about how bad and threatening it all is, which is all confirmed by your worldview, which in turn gets bleaker and darker and more entrenched.

You simply cant just turn your back on Christian Science when all the mental machinery that you have is geared up to thinking CS. Its like saying you aren’t going to use Windows Millennium Edition anymore, then buying a brand new PC and installing Windows Millennium Edition onto it again. Sooner or later you are going to run into the same problems you had before, then you start to assume that no computers work, or you cant work them.

The good news is that intervening in any one of these areas should help all of them.

The easiest to start with are negative automatic thoughts; I found it helpful identifying these as they arose and allowing them to pass away without following my usual habit of them setting off a chain of value judgements.

Having negative thoughts is normal, but a “normal” person will largely ignore them as they don’t fit with their deeper assumptions about life. In turn the thoughts become less, which confirms their positive assumptions and so on.

I think as Ex Christian Scientists that we need to do a lot of active work on world and selfviews. CS thinking is very resistant towards resetting judgments about the world and self esteem, because our default view under Christian Science is that none of it is relevant or understandable. In fact the less we understand or know about the material world the better in CS as all this false knowledge is only going to lead to compound our problems.

For example, I think there is an element of curiosity about the world and how I fit into it that I missed out on as a kid, that I need to rediscover as an adult. This is because I always thought that I knew everything I needed to know about everything from Mrs Eddy’s book.

Unfortunately unlike some belief systems there is no possible way to sanely convince yourself that Christian Science works in the face of any serious controversy, which brings about a lot of neurotic and negative thinking as what your rational senses tell you, and what your core beliefs know, gradually peel apart and begin existing in separate and mutually exclusive worlds.

The road out of Christian Science is a hard and long road with many dead ends and false starts; but I am confident like all roads, it has an end.

Leaving Christian Science may result in various difficulties but one difficulty may be to think logically, compassionately and to show resultant initiative in decision making. You may think, "Who cares?" but re-entering the world of reality is not easy for the former Christian Scientist. The mind is complex.

What is one supposed to be thinking? What should I think if someone is unwell or dying? What should I think when the ambulance races by? What should I think when someone is very late in arrival, needing a prescription, or when I'm feeling sad or bereaved? How do I control my emotions and my fears, when in Christian Science I learned that "in reality" I had none of these and should correct my thinking to thinking spiritually?!

Any thoughts?! Former Christian Scientists - over to you!

New Book

Just like to say that there is a new book due out very soon www.luciagreenhouse.org refers.

Thought I would post it here as it may not be easily viewed elsewhere on the blog. It may be ordered from Amazon books. The author may like to join us on Facebook (ExCS UK) and I look forward to hearing from her.
How many times do I recall saying in my mind, "Father, Mother God...."

For interest, please post a message as to which books by former Christian Scientists have been of most impact for you! Mine would have to be "Blue Windows" by Barbara Wilson and "The Crime of Dorothy Sheridan" by Leo Damore.

Does the Law Protect Us?

I believe the answer has to be "no" within the context of Christian Science. As a child, within CS, I used to hear comments to the effect that, of course, medical aid would be sought, if we were under the age of 16 and the healing was not "apparent". So that was all right then! Every child was and is protected within the law!

But, ask yourself....What about the child of a CS parent with no sense of emergency or medical knowledge, the child who is never registered with a doctor and who may also be home-schooled or the child who is denied immunisation?

The law offered me no protection. By-standers (family who visited) did nothing. School teachers did nothing when I was really ill. They told me to stay at home. "Home" sent me to school because, in reality, there was nothing wrong with me and so I should prove CS works. They all knew the law! Even years ago, people were too scared to speak up for fear of offending someone. A child's needs should never be abandoned.

Your experience? (USA and UK input would be good!)

Winter thoughts

I believe the thought "world" of Christian Science remains in our minds to some extent, despite leaving it...especially if one was brought up from early years in CS.... Christian Scientists may rejoice at this but to those of us who would like to be free of that way of thinking, it may be troubling, alienating and depressing.
I wonder if anyone would like to share how CS ways of thinking have remained with them, despite their having physically "left" it. For example, does listening to the news (especially about accidents and distress in the ice and snow) automatically remind you of the days of "correcting your thinking" when an ambulance could be heard or when feeling/having a cold?!

Could the uncontrollable desires from the past, of being alone and silent to do your "mental work," be something which is preventing you from looking outwards and joining others in a similar situation?

Despite having left Christian Science, it is not incorrect to debate it, criticise it or explore its effects! Any thoughts? Expressing them is good; making them known will not harm you but strengthen you!

Well, thanks for some response! I found the replies to be very interesting and could empathise with them! Connecting socially is always difficult and I am also known for leaving medical issues for too long and seeing the docotor's look of disbelief!! I'm not sure if recognition of the problems bring freedom (maybe eventually) but it is good to look at the world with new eyes. The trouble is, that makes me realise how much I missed in learning and studying academic subjects.

My biggest issue, I think, is - having had a childhood totally immersed in Christian Science - should I develop Alzheimer's, then will I regress to my Christian Science childhood way of thinking? Will the world to which I might regress be doubly confusing for my carers, who will most likely have no knowledge of how I used to think? Maybe I'm just being pessimistic!
Any ideas?